How do we do it? It just gets done.
How are you able to maintain a budding career, colorful social life, relationship, mommy requirements, and still make time for yourself? It is not easy multitasking being a mother, (soon-to-be) wifey, SHE-eo, friend and finding ME time. As women we are bred do it all, we can easily become consumed by roles like motherhood and completely forget about everything else that made us, well... US. We sometimes lose ourselves because we are under the impression that every second of our life is now dedicated to our role of mommy, wifey or whatever else come with our cape. Where this is true 99% of the time, that 1% needs to be set aside selfishly for just us. There is nothing more important than a little or a whole lotta self-love. It is so important to take care of YOU. Think of that 1% as like your reset or re-fuel button. In order to keep being Super Mom it is imperative to refuel the soul with some TLC.
It can be a little difficult to move past the guilt of wanting time to yourself, but I am here to tell you that it's OK to use that 1% of “ME” time to spoil yourself back into your best self. It's OK to do things for yourself. It's OK to do something that doesn't benefit anyone but Mom.
Here are 4 Call-To-Actions that have allowed me to stay grounded, focused, and true to myself. Start by trying to create a list of 5 things you used to love to do but haven’t been able to do much of, and slowly start implementing some of those things back in your life.
1. Mommy & Daddy Time
Having our princess in her room and ready for bed by 8:30pm has worked in our favor. We do not have to share our space (bedroom) with her, because she understands that “night night” means she has to be in her crib for bedtime. This has also allowed us our time. We are able to enjoy our fave shows, movies, music, conversation and some good ‘olé loving. As a new mom and wife to be, I always worry about losing focus and interest in my relationship with my future husband because I know it happens a lot. We’ve made sure to secure our time and really enjoy it. Making time for you and your sugacakes is vital in having a healthy and successful relationship. Things can get really tough when you first introduce a child in the equation. You are learning to share your time, love and affection. Your love is meant to be shared with both your baby and partner. I’ve learned that love comes in abundance and I have the ability to love my baby girl and my hubby until forever, at the same damn time!
2. Girl Time
Make a date with the girls - no sippy cups, untied shoes or timeouts. Just you and your gals - Girl Time is like food for the soul. Whether it’s a night out on the town or playing dress up for lunch or dinner, it helps in staying grounded and reminds us of how our self-identity is still sassier than ever. And I am still me. I am able to lose myself in conversation of catch up, venting, laughter, and just really having the opportunity to just be a girl! It's always nice to be around women that may or may not be dealing with life’s crisis and having the opportunity to live vicariously through some, relate to a few, and advise the ones that need it; it can be therapeutic. We get the chance to really talk about things that we normally don’t get the chance to. Having this time always brings new light and understanding to things you may have had questions about. Having a supporting team that enables you to do this makes it so much easier! Some examples can be other parents, family, friends, or babysitter.
3. Self Love
Relax and treat yourself to a Mani & Pedi and/or get your hair done. I love making time for myself every two weeks for my nails and whenever I get the chance to switch up the do. I look forward to being treated like a queen and having my hands, feet, and hair looking right! Looking good will get you feeling good, trust me! Of course this is all done in moderation and considering financial responsibilities. Take a vacation day from work for some retail therapy — for yourself. Shopping for new season pieces can always brighten up any woman’s heart. Allowing yourself to update your wardrobe, even if it’s one pair of shoes or a flashy top, will make all the difference in feeling trendy, chic, fashionable and sexy. Orrr take an actual weekend vacation. Plan a girls trip or a trip with the honey! Something I enjoy doing is planning my annual girls trip. This happens once a year with my closest friends. We choose a location and activities to fill our weekends with new memories and a whole lotta shenanigans. Both myself and my hubby get a chance to get away with our friends and enjoy some much needed “me” time. Everyone always looks forward to this weekend because it really is a time to be YOU. Not mom…not wife…just you. Now I am not saying your duties as a mother or wife stop, because they don’t, it is more like being on IDLE or Away from the desk—“BE RIGHT BACK”, for the weekend. Vacations are the best re-energizers
4. Girlbossness aka Entrepenuership
It is the time of the #Girlboss, women are taking the reigns of their passion and turning it into profit. What's a dream you can fuel? My Fashion Production/Styling company, Mpóze keeps me on track of my own professional goals and fuels my motivation to play all the other roles as mothers, we are called to tend to. It doesn't always get my undivided attention, but it's something that holds my personal passion and keeps my creative juices consistently flowing. Having a partner on board that is supporting your grind will make it easier to invest time into your growing biz-baby. Handing over Baby Duty to Daddy may be hard at the beginning but it'll get easier with time and consistency. There is an understanding of the ultimate goals and sacrifices we both have to make in order to successfully reach our goals individually, so that our family is well established.
In conclusion, you can do it all boldly.
The bottom line is that being a mother is not a part time job, and isn't just a full-time one either, it is a lifetime priority but that doesn't mean that you should stop making yourself a priority either. The demands never end, and with all the other responsibilities that you may also take on, it can become overwhelming and overbearing but you're not alone. Setting aside this time to fulfill yourself is so imperative to your happiness and intention. This DOES NOT make you a bad mother, It DOES NOT mean that you care less or have less focus on your child or family, it means you're making a point to become the best you to provide for your family. This is not an easy thing to do, but the truth of the matter is that YOU need to learn to find balance, patience, and communicate when you need time for yourself. Being a little selfish does not mean you stop caring or prioritizing your child or partner. It just means mommy is going to make sure she is also making time to get her own TLC , this way she can continue being that Super Mom everyone loves. So for all you Superhero moms, remember that your needs are also a priority.
About The Writer
Stephanie M. is a #BossyMommy who thinks you can have your cake and eat it too. She is a wife and mother to a beautiful baby girl. She is a Merchandise Coordinator, founder of Mpóze - a women’s apparel line and fashion production/styling company. Being a mother and having a career can be overwhelming but not impossible. Learning to balance a busy life by setting a guidelines and staying true-to-thy-self is key.
Follow her on Instagram: @mpozefashion