Oh, the places we'll go.
- Dr Seuss
If you follow me on any social media profiles, you know of my dear Miloh, my American Bulldog. He's my right hand man, my confidant, my snuggly business partner. I've had him since he was 8 weeks old so I know when he's acting any kind of funny. For a good week and half, he wouldn't even let me in the shower alone. He also seemed much more protective than usual.
Cute but WEIRD.
Add this to being about a week late and really only noticing after bae mentioned how late, because why would their be any issue right?
After instantly brushing off the thought of a baking bun, I pulled a year old pregnancy test out of the medicine cabinet the next morning. Half asleep and waiting for my Bustelo to finish brewing, took the Clearblue...2 seconds later...one line...one minute later...TWO lines.
Time stopped, my fingers went numb and the room started spinning. It sunk in pretty abruptly that I wasn't the only being in that bathroom. After a spew of erratic SOS's signals to my mom and best friends, a sprint around my apartment and quick holler, I looked into the mirror hard. I was going be a mother, at a time where I'm working on my financial education, trying to figure out where to take my brand next and if I can sneak in another trip this season.
With no time to waste, I took my whole bag of nerves and hit my local clinic with my mother underarm, whom was basically already planning the menu for the shower in the waiting room. In under 10 minutes, I took an official urine test and it was confirmed to the 9th power that I was in fact pregnant and pretty far along.
I'M GOING TO BE A MOTHER.
My mistakes will no longer be my own, my choices will no longer be my own, my space is about to get tighter and I'm not a damn millionaire yet. I also realized I will never be alone anymore, I will never win or lose alone, I will have a family of my own, that I can build on my terms and raise this new life as colorful as can be. This may have started sounding really dark because I wanted to be super genuine to every 20-something year old out there whom finds herself in a whirlwind by an unexpected pregnancy. You are not alone and you are entitled to all your plethora of feelings that come with it.
But WAIT, BAE!
My 4 year relationship with Zaddy has been a beautiful and imperfect one. We've had jovial conversations about what we'd name our children, what city we'd purchase our first town house in, while planning our next sporadic excursion. I knew that this news would also hit him like a bag of bricks. This is important because in all honesty, the last thing my relationship was ready for was a new kicking and cooing addition and if you feel the same, that's ok. What remains though is that you both are bringing a child into this world and you must support each other in this transition. In one of my baby books I read that whatever was bad in your relationship before will feel worse and what is good will help in getting through this together, this has stood to be true. Zaddy and I are consistently working on our balance, but one thing we can both agree on, is that we want our child to have a healthy home filled with love and that's priority.
After my initial doctors visit, I was scheduled for my first ultrasound. This would be the moment of truth and quite frankly what changed the game. I'd be facing the product of a whirlwind four yr. romance, an overlap of birth control, a night filled with Jack & Ginger's and soon to be the deepest love known to man. On the day of the ultrasound, we arrived at the clinic and watched as everyone in the room was called before me, as we twiddled our thumbs with anxiety. Room was spinning again.
Finally a nurse called my name and we looked like a clumsy couple trying not to trip over our own feet while walking into the biggest moment of our lives. After stripping down to my knickers, I jumped into a hospital gown and took my seat on the thrown of truth. The nurse was dry but it's not like we had much to say anyway right? She placed some cold jelly on my tummy and then placed the probe under my belly button. First, we saw a lot of black and white static on the screen as she traveled each corner of my uterus and then like a faint Christmas light, we met our baby. Time stopped again, miracles are real and new life is proof of so. This little light would soon become the reason behind severe daily nausea, outrageous consistent hunger spells and utter happiness from the time I woke until my eyes closed each day.
I couldn't explain where this utter sense of pure bliss was coming from other than divinity. I've felt things alike, like touching a runway edition Balmain double breasted blazer, dancing the night away at my first Target designer collection release party or treating my parents to the coolest restaurant in town. Nothing truly compares to the feeling of growing life right in your tummy though. Stress triggers like deadlines, lacking daily content to post or sitting in meetings or situations my heart wasn't totally invested in became things of the past quickly. Pregnancy has granted me so little f$%ks to give about anything that isn't fulfilling.
Even leading me to a complete brand plateau (that we'll discuss later). Real-life shifts seem to put things in perspective in such a beautiful way, we are all so caught up in the hustle and bustle of our digitally glamorous lives that a new sense of purpose can even be quite refreshing.
Once we shared the news with our closest family and friends, the support and love we received was astronomical. I still have days when I awake ridden with anxiety about how a budding mommy-boss can provide a whole life for a new child but there is always a text or incoming call to check on my well being. This leads to my next point, find your tribe in every chapter of life, especially one like motherhood. Mine has become the friends that beat me to the delivery room and family members who I barely sat down to chat with before because of my busy lifestyle. Maybe you don't have either, and that's ok, I've also sought out mommy groups online that have helped answer questions at 3am when i'm panicking over a growing ligament cramp. There are a handful of apps like Peanut and Baby Center that can make you feel like you've found a new set of gal pals in your same position, even down to matching due dates.
One thing I couldn't anticipate is how much my body would change week to week and how amazing it would be to embrace it. The female form is such a wondrous vitality and being so WOKE to how it naturally gets ready to bare this baby has been so dope. With body changes has come wardrobe changes right?
Maternity jeans from Target's Ingrid & Isabel have saved my daily uniform, knit dresses from Boohoo and bold mules from Shoedazzle have become my staples. T-shirts are still very much in my usual rotation and with the summer heat, alternating with tanks. Throwing on some hoops or bangles make me feel like I'm still making a statement when I have little energy to. I've been able to still throw on a heel but they usually come off before going up the stairs of my apartment.
We are currently in full baby moon mode, reading books like Your Baby's 1st Words Will Be DADA by Jimmy Fallon and playing Mozart every night until we both fall asleep. At this stage, our baby is very active throughout the day and we even know the gender. If you didn't see our reveal, i'll be doing a separate post on that, because my Dominican mother...you know how it goes. #TeamDoTheMost. Time is flying and it feels invaluable to be present in it.
In essence, it may take having your world being flipped upside down for you to be really embracive of where you're standing in life. Baby's or unexpected life-altering situations won't erase all the issues you had before them but be nice to yourself, go through the motions because you have everything it takes to prevail from this too. You were made for this. You can still achieve your dream career, you an still travel the world, you can still build the company of your dreams, now you'll just be a momma while doing so.